Suicide Girls, Internet Ghost Sites, and Search Sperts

S02 E01 • Monday, Jan 19, 2004 • Jan 19 • 30m

Women Throw Off Their Yoke, JFK Joking, and a Person Gone Wired

S02 E02 • Tuesday, Jan 20, 2004 • Jan 20 • 30m

Rockabilly Predictions by the Singing Psychic, Sperts, and Scary Gary

S02 E03 • Wednesday, Jan 21, 2004 • Jan 21 • 30m

Intergalactic Nookie, Ad Agencies, and Vixens

S02 E04 • Monday, Jan 26, 2004 • Jan 26 • 30m

Friendster, iPod's Little Secret, and the Radio Hut Guy

S02 E05 • Tuesday, Jan 27, 2004 • Jan 27 • 30m

The Geography of Dating, Rappin', and Scary Gary

S02 E06 • Wednesday, Jan 28, 2004 • Jan 28 • 30m

Perk Up Your Profile, Furnishing Faux Pas, and a Burning VCR

S02 E07 • Monday, Feb 2, 2004 • Feb 2 • 30m

Adult Film Directors, Humpers, and Search Sperts

S02 E08 • Tuesday, Feb 3, 2004 • Feb 3 • 30m

Blackwolf, Urinal to Go, and a Girl Gone Wired

S02 E09 • Wednesday, Feb 4, 2004 • Feb 4 • 30m

Cooking, Hooking, and Choppy the Chimp

S02 E10 • Monday, Feb 9, 2004 • Feb 9 • 30m

'Red vs Blue,' Cracking Passwords, and Search Sperts

S02 E11 • Tuesday, Feb 10, 2004 • Feb 10 • 30m

Sexperts, Revenge-perts, and Joey at CES

S02 E12 • Wednesday, Feb 11, 2004 • Feb 11 • 30m

Exploding Whales, Stop Snoring, and a Naked Lady

S02 E13 • Monday, Feb 16, 2004 • Feb 16 • 30m

When faced with problems such as dead whales and snoring, who do you turn to? God? Magic? Nope, in situations like these you turn to good old-fashioned science. Just remember, no one is suggesting that science will always gets you the results you want. Tonight's guests are great examples of applied science at its most blunt but effective.

Meetup Founder, Airplane Homes, and the Japanese

S02 E14 • Tuesday, Feb 17, 2004 • Feb 17 • 30m

With the Internet, alienation is a thing of the past. Always had an inexplicable yearning to be covered in jam? Put ""jam fetish"" in Google and you get 74 results. There might not be tons of you out there, but the Internet has given all 74 of you the chance to get together for a breakfast the likes of which none of you will ever forget. Tonight's guests celebrate those connections. With the Internet, you'll never be lonely again.

William Gibson, Imaginary Girlfriends, and Search Sperts

S02 E15 • Wednesday, Feb 18, 2004 • Feb 18 • 30m

Tonight is officially geek night. If you're not a geek, you're a loser. Geeks keep your computers running. They design your cars, economic policy, and, well, most of the world. But they have some problems. It's hard to find things they're interested in on TV. Most of the stuff is too mundane and childish for them. Well we've got you covered. The other big problem is dating. Sure, you might be single simply because you're too interested in cataloging beetle species to get a date, but sometimes situations come up where you need to fake it. Don't worry, we have that covered too. So sit back, tear your eyes away from those bugs for a second, and watch the show.

Fark, Internet Vibrators, and Candid Confessions

S02 E16 • Monday, Feb 23, 2004 • Feb 23 • 30m

Screw the skeptics. Pundits bitch that people aren't talking or communicating anymore, but they're dead wrong. People are communicating more than ever, but in new ways. All of tonight's guests are on the cutting edge of these new communication mediums. While the critics gripe, every day people are using the Internet to share information, enhance personal relationships and to learn more about what it means to be human.

How to Fake a Moon Landing, Spellkasting, and Vintage Lovelies

S02 E17 • Tuesday, Feb 24, 2004 • Feb 24 • 30m

If you want to stay in the mollified comfort of your own little weak-ass world, don't watch tonight's show. If you don't want to learn the truth about the moon landing, that's fine. If you don't want to be able to harness the awesome might of radionic energy, that's cool. Stay broke, lonely, and unknown. You can just sit there with your head in the sand. But remember, if you have your head in the sand, your ass is sticking out, just waiting to be kicked.

Stars With Scars, Warspying, and a Girl Gone Wired

S02 E18 • Wednesday, Feb 25, 2004 • Feb 25 • 30m

There really aren't any ways to cover up your secrets anymore. The world is too connected and we haven't figured out how to keep things secret. Tonight's show is all about bringing those secrets to the light of day. Celebrities try to hide the shame of skin blemishes with makeup, but our guest is trained at discovering what they'd rather hide. Plus the D-Tipper is going to show you how to crack into wireless video-camera systems.

Worst Sex Scenes Ever, Beer Catapult, and Search Sperts

S02 E19 • Monday, Mar 1, 2004 • Mar 1 • 30m

Sex can be great. It can be a way to physically express your love or just have a good time. It can also be an utterly horrible, embarrassing experience that makes you want to pack up your genitals and put them in storage. Tonight we're talking about both. The good, the bad, and the so bad it's sparked an international lawsuit with a British tabloid. Oh, and the Dark Tipper will teach you how to make a beer catapult.

Whitehouse Porn, Aluminum Apartment, and Scary Gary

S02 E20 • Tuesday, Mar 2, 2004 • Mar 2 • 30m

Tonight's guests flex the muscle of their Yankee ingenuity. That's what this country was founded on. Ingenuity. We're a country of outside-the-box thinkers. We look for unique ways to solve problems, even if we need to fly in the face of conventional social values. Like say you've plagued got no money. People in other countries become working stiffs, but our guest saw a way out and took it. Even though it caused a ruckus. Our second guest wanted to play a trick on his friend. Unlike the Europeans or the Africans, to this fellow the whoopie cushion was just too prosaic. So he took the gag to the levels of sheer lunacy for which our country has been celebrated.

Beat the Odds in Sports Betting, Bad Breath Detector, and a Robot Roommate

S02 E21 • Wednesday, Mar 3, 2004 • Mar 3 • 30m

Tonight's guest will show you how to beat the system. Isn't that what everyone wants? To slip the surly bonds that chain every other sucker to the grind. Well, according to our guests, freedom from what plagues you lies in tonight's show. If you're poor, or just plagued by some seriously stanky breath, our guests have the answers you're looking for. Hell, you could be poor and suffering from stanky breath, our advice is good for everyone. Except the lepers, sorry folks, there's just nothing we can do about lepers.

Microsoft Attacks, The Smoking Gun, and a Farting Preacher

S02 E22 • Monday, Mar 8, 2004 • Mar 8 • 30m

Our guests are great examples of how the Internet is the great equalizer. Used to be there was no way for the little guy to have his voice heard over the din of big media. Now, if you say something really worthwhile, it can be picked up and sent around the world in a matter of minutes. One guest did something so worthwhile, it got a gigantic company pounding on his door with a cease-and-desist order. The other guest took a crowbar and pried the giant gleaming rock of Hollywood up to get a gander at the slime underneath.

Penischeeks, Dark Tips, Hoaxes

S02 E23 • Tuesday, Mar 9, 2004 • Mar 9 • 30m

There must be rules, and when the rules are broken, there must be punishment. The Bible says, ""An eye for an eye."" Well I ask you this: What kind of transgression deserves having a penis drawn on your face in permanent marker? Because this punishment is being handed out hither and yon. One of our guests will explain the rules that made Penischeek.com a reality. Our other guest is tasked by the federal government to keep track of hoaxes. I wonder in awe at the kind of punishments they'd hand out. Do you think our guests will get together and create the bitchin'-est ever deterrent for the jerks who make virus hoaxes?

Wil Wheaton, Devil Hasselhoff, and a Showering Swisher

S02 E24 • Wednesday, Mar 10, 2004 • Mar 10 • 30m

Rip-snorting fun. Belly-bursting joviality. We promise nothing but the most painful, eye-blistering, eardrum-popping good time. And you better like it too, because if you don't, we'll send a 350-pound gorilla in a tuxedo to your house to dislocate your fingers until you learn the true meaning of comedy. Remember, dying is easy, comedy is hard, and tonight's show will teach you a lesson you'll never forget.

Human Calculators, Crank Calls, and Cam Whores

S02 E25 • Monday, Mar 15, 2004 • Mar 15 • 30m

We've got human calculators, celebrity impersonators, and hot camwhores. Think of tonight's show as a porned-out ""Beautiful Mind."" The Human Calculator is here to demonstrate why he holds a record from Guinness. Plus we'll show you how you can have your favorite celebrity crank-call your favorite friends. All this and a handful of ladies who make a living with their bodies, but battle with their minds.

Adult Film Star Jesse Jane, Internet Collapse, Playing With Yourself

S02 E26 • Tuesday, Mar 16, 2004 • Mar 16 • 30m

Tonight's show will have you re-evaluating your relationship with technology. Not in an abstract grad student way, but in a very personal, very visceral way. First, your DVD player will let you tell a porn star exactly what you want, and she'll do it. Have you thought about what you'd do without the Internet? We did, and things got bloody. Either way, technology has woven its way pretty deep into our lives -- so deep, in fact, that removing it is going to require surgery.

Lizardman, Rapping Hobbits, and Marty the Manager

S02 E27 • Wednesday, Mar 17, 2004 • Mar 17 • 30m

We understand that the ""Lord of the Rings"" movies were great. We also know that there is a lot of mainstream interest in fantasy now. We're going to try and cash in on some of that. Get out your broadsword and your chainmail +1 because we're wading into murky depths, fair adventurer. XP bonuses are available for good role-playing.

Voodoo, Cyborgs, Hot Ladies

S02 E28 • Monday, Mar 22, 2004 • Mar 22 • 30m

Tonight's guests both seek power, but they've chosen very different roads to get it. One embraced an ancient religion and magic, the other embraced the bleeding edge of fire-hardened technology. The witch doctor and the cyborg. One whispers to voices in the dark, the other flexes his mind and computers bend to his will. One helps Marty on his road to fame and fortune, the other warns of an impending war between man and machine.

Klingon Linguist, Role-Playing Games, and an Old Stripper

S02 E29 • Tuesday, Mar 23, 2004 • Mar 23 • 30m

Sometimes it's ladies night. Other times it's free bobblehead night. Tonight it's geek night. Geek night rocks. It's time to let the hair out of the ponytail, grab a beer, and breathe a sigh of relief. The bullies don't know you're here and your parents are asleep. Just relax and pull out the polyhedral dice, the Klingon dictionary, and a compendium of the ships of the Federation, because tonight's show is for you.

Space Science, Beer Chilling Machine, Morphing Michael

S02 E30 • Wednesday, Mar 24, 2004 • Mar 24 • 30m

From flying high, to getting loaded, Unscrewed has the recipe to lift your spirit from the dulldrums. Ever wondered who the hell invented the microwave? Did you know the first disposable diapers were used in space? Our guest is going to talk about how space science finds its way into your home. Plus, the tyranny of warm beer is over. We have the inventor of an amazing device that'll chill a beer ice cold in a matter of minutes.

Flashers, Rednecks, and Old-Folks Tech

S02 E31 • Monday, Mar 29, 2004 • Mar 29 • 30m

Tonight's guests bare their souls and their privates. Melissa is like the girl next door who likes to get drunk and naked in bars and then posts the pics to her pay site. Apparently the cops in her town did a Google search on ""drunk girl next door naked bars Nebraska,"" because now they're filing charges. Our second guest gives piss-poor drunken white trash an outlet to vent their frustrations. Thing is, most of his site is really interesting to read. So if you want to see the world in the buff, tonight's a good night to watch.

Morgan Webb, Homemade Taser Glove, and Search Sperts

S02 E32 • Tuesday, Mar 30, 2004 • Mar 30 • 30m

Morgan Webb is on ""Unscrewed."" She's going to talk about all sorts of things. Mostly sex in videogames and Playboy. Morgan talking about sex in videogames and Playboy should be enough to get you to watch. I'm stopping here. Oh, and the Dark Tipper will show you how to make a Taser out of a disposable camera.

The Booze Show

S02 E33 • Wednesday, Mar 31, 2004 • Mar 31 • 30m

Tonight's the Booze Show. Marty gets loaded, the guests get loaded, I think everyone ends up loaded. Even the guest who isn't here to talk about booze will end up drinking. The California Highway Patrol (CHiPs) wanted us to put up a warning about drinking and driving, but we said no. Although it's a valid request, we figure that since we're not showing any cars or Jet Skis or anything, you wouldn't get the idea to get loaded and go tooling around. Or at least you couldn't prove that you got the idea from us. So drink up, 'cause tonight your liver's going down!

Mysteries of the Pyramids, Popular Search Terms, and Your Momma

S02 E34 • Monday, Apr 5, 2004 • Apr 5 • 30m

Remember the Dark Ages? Of course you don't, that's why they're the Dark Ages. Mankind backslid into a mumbling, mud-shoveling rut and no one took any notes. Well, the Internet will never let that happen again. Things like the Lycos Top 50 keep track of exactly what the American people are thinking about. Unfortunately, the Internet is a couple thousand years too late for mysteries like the pyramids in Egypt. Our guest believes he has solved the mystery and that the pyramids are actually huge water pumps. You figure someone would have written the instructions down or something. Even if mankind disappeared off the face of the earth, aliens visiting Hoover Dam could still go down to the control room, pull out a manual, and go ""Hey, this thing is a dam!""

Odd Todd, Alien Ghosts, and Spanish Lessons

S02 E35 • Tuesday, Apr 6, 2004 • Apr 6 • 30m

Alien ghosts. I'd never thought about it before, but I guess alien ghosts could exist. At least exist in the sense that aliens or ghosts ""exist."" Our first guest is on a hunt for these elusive spirits. Our next guest is the creator of the Internet hit Odd Todd. Odd Todd proves that being unemployed can be funny, with the right frame of mind. On tonight's show, perspective is everything.

Dan Savage, Search Sperts, and a Cantankerous Old Koot

S02 E36 • Wednesday, Apr 7, 2004 • Apr 7 • 30m

Tonight we offer you sex. We have one of the most respected sex columnists in the country here. Then, we have two cam whores who are going to go head-to-head in Search Sperts. Plus, one befuddled old man calls Martin a Pansy because Marty wouldn't give him a cigarette.

Clones, Duct Tape Devotees and a Truckload of Sass

S02 E37 • Monday, Apr 12, 2004 • Apr 12 • 30m

At the very least, duct tape and clones share 'Unscrewed' in common. But, I dare say, the bond goes deeper. I mean, you use duct tape to pull things together, to make them whole, to make them one. Clones are identical, they are the same. They too, are one. Cloning and duct tape both have a devoted series of followers who say that, when properly applied,can solve the problems of mankind. Both camps of devotees are loons, but at least the duct tape people can take a joke.

Start Your Own Adult Site, Busty Sammy, and Advice from Gary Coleman

S02 E38 • Tuesday, Apr 13, 2004 • Apr 13 • 30m

If you've ever wanted the riches and fame that Internet porn has to offer, tonight is the show that you can not miss. Our guests are up to their elbows in the lucrative Iporn industry. One guest runs her own webcam/gallery site. The other will teach you how to run one of your own.

Flying Shears, Human Taser, and Search Sperts

S02 E39 • Wednesday, Apr 14, 2004 • Apr 14 • 30m

Tonight's show is going to be a tussle. First we have a man who styles hair the way Freddy Kreuger ""styles"" teenagers, with long-ass sharp pieces of metal. We've also got a Search Sperts that promises to be something to write home about. I'm not promising that someone will get naked, but there's a decent chance that Marty says, ""Yowza!""

Tera Patrick, Lego Bible, and Scary Gary

S02 E40 • Monday, Apr 19, 2004 • Apr 19 • 30m

Tonight we are visited by a porn legend. Tera Patrick is here, in studio. One of the hottest ladies in the industry, Tera will talk about getting abused by the business. Plus, Scary Gary will show us just how many people he can trick. And to balance all this out, we'll meet a guy who's building the Bible out of Legos.

Hangover Medication, Mix Your Own Music, Underwear

S02 E41 • Tuesday, Apr 20, 2004 • Apr 20 • 30m

We're going to teach you how to be a nonstop party. First, the tunes. We're not satisfied with the crap the music industry has been pumping out of our radios, and we're not going to take it anymore. Our guests have put together a software bundle that will give you everything you need to make your own music. Next, our guests are pushing a pill they claim eliminates the hangover. Does it work? Everyone in the office jumped at a chance to test it. Watch to see the results.

Vanity Dates, Dogster, and Coleman Confidential

S02 E42 • Wednesday, Apr 21, 2004 • Apr 21 • 30m

Whether you're a hottie or a dog, tonight's ""Unscrewed"" has a way for you to find a lover online. Angry that I'm being so vain? Wait till you see tonight's show! Actually, I'm using ""hottie"" figuratively and ""dog"" literally. So if you're an attractive, wealthy, vain person, or are interested in finding one, this show is for you. And if you're a dog (read canine), or are interested in finding one, this show is for you too. Hotties and dogs unite, it's time for ""Unscrewed."" Anyone else getting hungry?

Backwards Speech, Search Sperts and Coleman Confidential

S02 E43 • Monday, Apr 26, 2004 • Apr 26 • 30m

Tonight's show delves into your subconcious. Actually, it delves into Marty's subconsious. In a segment you have to see to believe, our guest shows that the human subcouncious reveals itself when you play our speech backwards. We were skeptical, until we saw the segment. Now, we won't say we're full-on believers, but it was very impressive. Plus, we have some sensuous Internet hussies, so it looks like there's something for everyone.

'Win a Date With Laura' Winner, Virtual Sex Machine, and Chimp Karate

S02 E44 • Tuesday, Apr 27, 2004 • Apr 27 • 30m

Tonight is finally the night we show you what happened on the ""Win a Date With Laura Swisher"" date. We also show you the newest technology in self-sex machines. Coincidence? I think not. I'm not sure how it happened, but it was a marketing coup for the makers of the Virtual Sex Machine. How many people are going to get all riled up watching the date and need an outlet? Probably at least three. And if there was any payola, I can tell you this: None of it made it to the Web team. So watch out for typos and broken links, suckers.

End of the World Special

S02 E45 • Wednesday, Apr 28, 2004 • Apr 28 • 30m

2012, the End of Times. The Mayan calendar ends. What comes next? In proper ""Unscrewed"" fashion we ignore more pressing issues, such as the end of 'peak oil', global food shortages, and an aging world population that could stress our social welfare system to its breaking point, in favor of worm holes and impending ice ages. Hell, who wants to study the devastating effects of the end of cheap oil when a worm hole is going to open up and deliver us a half-snake traveler who just happens to be the harbinger of the End Times? In 2012 only one thing is certain: The jig is up. It may not be the Apocalypse, but it's pretty damn close.

Pickpockets, Dead Rats, and Old Folks Killing Things

S02 E46 • Monday, May 3, 2004 • May 3 • 30m

Tonight we talk about killing and stealing. We'll show you how to do both. Tips on how to set up ambushes, choose your targets, and execute your plot. If you don't want to learn anything about killing or stealing, you're a big baby and we don't want you here. Actually, it would just be better for everyone involved if the people of strong moral fiber just put up some kind of net-security software; you don't want to accidentally end up here again. The rest of you belly up to the bar, because we've got such a tasty show it'll knock your socks off your ass.

Robot Destruction, Puppet Fornication, and Tons of NASA

S02 E47 • Tuesday, May 4, 2004 • May 4 • 30m

Porn and industrial machinery pepper this lively hour of ""Unscrewed."" But it's not just normal industrial machinery. It's also incredibly lethal industrial machinery designed to break the sh*t out of things. And for that matter, it's not just normal porn. It's also porn with puppets, made to warn kids about the dangers of pornography. I guess it's more like puppet antiporn and killer industrial machinery. So the tone of tonight is similar to puppets copulating in a blender.

Cheating Tips, Spam Letters, and Search Sperts

S02 E48 • Monday, May 10, 2004 • May 10 • 30m

Everyone gets spam. It's a fact of life. But everyone handles it differently. Some install on their PC the most high-tech spam-blocker available. Others use fake email accounts. And still others just write back to the spammer. That's what tonight's guest did, and he ended up with a voodoo curse being cast on him. Plus, more boobies than you can shake a stick at.

Old Videogame Porn, Write on Chests, and Coleman Confidential

S02 E49 • Tuesday, May 11, 2004 • May 11 • 30m

I hope you like boobies, cause we have tons on tonight's show. Round, oval, or square, we've got you covered. Yes, I said square boobies. Lego porn? Good guess, but no. Lost paintings of Marcel Duchamp? Go back to The Learning Channel, Learny McLearnerson. I guess you'll have to watch the show to find out.

Hollow Earth, Cooling Collars, and Girls Gone Wired

S02 E50 • Monday, May 17, 2004 • May 17 • 30m

Tonight's guests kind of complement each other. One believes the Earth is hollow and contains a sun, Nazis, and Vikings. The other sells a personal cooling collar that would be perfect if you were basking under the light of the sun at the center of the Earth. Now all we need is a personal margarita collar and an anti-Nazi collar... maybe they can get to work on that.